<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>play our own song by chocolatebirdie</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24809062">play our own song</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatebirdie/pseuds/chocolatebirdie'>chocolatebirdie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>is a kiss an act of war [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:42:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>979</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24809062</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatebirdie/pseuds/chocolatebirdie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael didn’t blush, because he’d said much more damning things to Alex over the years. But he did feel his heart constrict, just a little.</p><p>“It’s always been you, Alex,” Michael said, shaking his head at him just a little. “You have to know that. You said as much, in the song.”</p><p>***</p><p>aka: after alex performs his song at the wild pony, during which michael did not leave and forlex did not kiss, he and michael go back to his place to talk.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Michael Guerin/Alex Manes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>is a kiss an act of war [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794454</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>105</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>play our own song</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>just a couple points:</p><p>1. sort of a continuation of "its you i'm fighting for," but also stands on its own pretty easily.</p><p>2. i decided, since i thought the miluca break up was dumb, that it just didn't happen that way. it's not entirely relevant, but if you're reading some of the dialogue and it sounds different than what went down on the show, that's intentional.</p><p>3. this fic officially makes roswell my most written-for fandom, so, yay! great gays + okay storylines = lots and lots of fic ideas, who knew.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex and Michael settled down on Alex’s couch, sitting closer than was strictly necessary, not that either of them was going to mention it.</p><p>“I didn’t expect to see you there tonight,” Alex confessed.</p><p>“Is it okay that I was?”</p><p>“The song was about <em>you</em>, Michael.”</p><p>“I know,” Michael said softly. And he had known; but it was something else to hear Alex say it out loud. “But you weren’t singing it for me.”</p><p>“No,” Alex agreed. “I was singing it for myself. Ever since . . . since CrashCon, I’ve felt so free. Like this lifelong weight is off my shoulders."</p><p>Michael smirked. “Wonder why that could be? I’m thinking of a five-letter word for abusive, bigoted psychopath.”</p><p>Alex’s lip quirked briefly, but his eyes stayed trained on his shoes.</p><p>Michael’s expression sobered. “I’m sorry. About your dad. About all of it.”</p><p>Alex gave him a disbelieving look.</p><p>“Okay, I’m not really sorry that he’s dead,” Michael rolled his eyes. “But I’m sorry about the way it happened. And everything else before it. Fuck, he was going to kill you, Alex. That’s why he was trying to find where Flint had taken you."</p><p>“I know,” Alex sighed. “Or at least, I figured as much. The things he was saying . . . I was an obstacle. A loose end. And if he tried to kill Kyle, what was stopping him from killing me?”</p><p><em>You’re his son,</em> Michael didn’t say. He didn’t need to – they both knew that didn’t mean much, not to Jesse. But the sentiment hung between them anyway.</p><p>“I guess I’m just mad that I’m upset about it at all,” Alex said after a while. “Like, I can count on one hand the good memories I have of him. And they were all when I was in single digits. I’m not even sure if they’re real.” His hands were rubbing together almost absentmindedly as he spoke, clearly lost in his own memories.</p><p>“You have every right to be upset, Alex,” Michael told him. Alex huffed. “You <em>do</em>. Look, he wasn’t the father you wanted, but he was the only one you had. And that’s gonna mean something, even if you don’t want it to. And then there’s the fact that that piece of shit was the <em>only father you had</em>. And you wanted a better one. You deserved a better one.”</p><p>Alex’s hands stilled then, and he smiled over at Michael. It was small, but it was there. “When did you get so good with feelings?”</p><p>“Blame DeLuca,” Michael said without thinking. “She’s much smarter than me.”</p><p>“Obviously.” Alex hesitated. “What – what happened there?”</p><p>Michael sighed. He probably should’ve seen this coming.</p><p>“I think we both just realized . . . it wasn’t enough. And she deserves better than second best.”</p><p>“She does,” Alex nodded, before Michael’s words seemed to dawn on him. “Second best?”</p><p>Michael didn’t blush, because he’d said much more damning things to Alex over the years. But he did feel his heart constrict, just a little.</p><p>“It’s always been you, Alex,” Michael said, shaking his head at him just a little. “You have to know that. You said as much, in the song.”</p><p>Alex, on the other hand, very much did blush at the mention of his song. “Yeah, but . . .”</p><p>“I know I’ve been terrible at showing it,” Michael conceded. “But I – I love you, Alex. I have for over a decade now, and that’s not going to change. And I don’t want it to.” He bore his eyes into Alex’s, hoping that the sincerity of his words could be seen there.</p><p>“I’m not . . . I don’t know that I’m entirely ready right now,” Alex whispered, as though he was ashamed. “I mean, I did want us to ‘meet in the middle,’ but I also sort of meant that for myself. Maybe not when I wrote it, but it happened that way.”</p><p>“I’m not ready yet either,” Michael said in a rush. “You were kidnapped, and I built a bomb that could’ve destroyed my family, and we both almost died, and your brother killed your dad, and Maria and I broke up, and that’s only been the last three weeks of my life. I think we both could use some time.”</p><p>“You forgot the dead body we apparently had sex on top of.”</p><p>“God, don’t remind me.”</p><p>They looked at each other for just a second before they both broke out in peals of laughter.</p><p>When their laughter died down, Alex looked over at Michael again, his gaze soft and open. “Guerin.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I love you.” He spoke softly as he looked at him, as if Michael was someone worth being soft <em>to</em>. Michael wasn’t very familiar with gentleness, but maybe he could learn.</p><p>“I know,” he replied, his lips twitching just the tiniest bit to show Alex that the reference was, in fact, intended.</p><p>Alex laughed again, knocking their shoulders together. “Never mind.”</p><p>“No take backs.”</p><p>“What are you, twelve?”</p><p>Michael shrugged. “Be a bit creepy if I was, don’t ya think?”</p><p>Alex scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You’re insufferable.”</p><p>“You love me,” Michael teased.</p><p>Alex couldn’t help it. “Yeah,” he said seriously. “I do.”</p><p>Michael smiled. His hand went for the back of Alex’s neck, bringing him closer to Michael so he could kiss Alex on the cheek. He lingered just for a moment before letting go, his hand drifting back to his side.</p><p>Alex’s smile was – beautiful, to say the least.</p><p>Michael really did love him.</p><p>“Have you ever thought about what it would be like if we were really together?” Alex asked a few minutes later. “All in?”</p><p>“All the time.”</p><p>His voice was quieter this time. “What do you think it would be like?”</p><p>Michael smiled, small and soft. “I think it’d be everything.”</p><p>He looked over at Alex then and held out his hand. Alex took it, threading their fingers together.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Michael squeezed his hand. “Yeah.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i think all of my fics start out on a couch. im just bad at setting y'all, i fill that shit in after i write all the dialogue i can't get out of my head lmao</p><p><a href="http://twitter.com/kiwiiesbian">twitter</a> / <a href="http://open.spotify.com/playlist/6uEnk15AFKZdJOOzynj6GR?si=NI4BbxfLQeGEx98mgZyF6Q">malex playlist</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>